The fun size candy is everywhere. Ev-ry-where. I can’t escape it. It’s in bowls all over my house, it’s at work, it’s haunting me. Time to purge. And when I say purge, I obviously mean add more sugar, more fat, and more deliciousness into a giant fat-filled brick and take it to work so that […]
Seasons… what are those again? Pretty sure I wore my bikini like a week ago and am still paying an arm and a leg to run the AC in my house like 24/7 soooooo, not really sure what this “fall” thing is that people in other parts of the country keep referencing? “Fall” means different […]
I’ve always wanted to make my own barbecue sauce. Is that a normal thing? Probably not. Here’s the sales pitch: You know that stuff that is available in 1 million varieties that you can pick up around the corner at your local Safeway for like 99 cents? Yea, well, wouldn’t you actually prefer to make […]
I would like to teriyaki-fy everything. I want my chicken wings with the teriyaki sauce, I want my chicken nuggets dipped in it, I want my vegetables drowned in it, and I want every meat marinated in it. No joke – I can not think of a single exception. Fish, pork, chicken, beef… yea, bring […]
Summer is here and it’s officially time to start thinking about my bikini belly. As such, I bring you this very delicious granola, packed with all sorts of hippie deliciousness that is sure to make your bikini belly very happy- we’re talking about quinoa, ground flaxseed, chia seeds, and heart-healthy nuts. Just pretend that you […]
It’s about to get weird. You ready for it? Hold on to your hats, folks, because I’ve always had this fantasy (because these are the things that I fantasize about), that normal breakfast pancakes could be made into cookies. Yes, pancake cookies. WHY has no one thought of this yet? WHY is this not already […]
My idea of the perfect breakfast is seven pounds of bacon covered in 3 cups of maple syrup, served alongside 12 gallons of coffee filled with sugary, cancer-laden creamer. I try to be healthy, but let’s be honest, it does not come naturally. Unlike my skinny and adorable mother, I don’t wake up feeling like […]
If I could somehow manage to get an IV drip of hot mulled wine, well then it would basically be Christmas to me all day, every day. C’mon now… who DOESN’T want that? Boozy, Christmas-y, happiness, pumped directly into your veins. Yea, gimme that. Hot mulled wine is a necessary part of the holidays for […]
Blender muffins. Uh huh, you read that correctly. Now, before you start rolling your eyes at the ridiculousness that is blender muffins, let me just tell you that these blender muffins are gluten-free and don’t contain any refined white sugar. You got that? We’re talking about super duper lazy muffins made in a freaking blender. […]
Last year my guy spent Thanksgiving with my family. I was thrilled. Clearly, I thought the whole thing went perfectly. However, we failed to serve sweet potatoes (his favorite part of Thanksgiving), and then screwed up the gravy (which he likes to create a shallow pool the length of his entire dinner plate). At the […]
